AH GONG

Just like that, another star burnt out, another tide went out. I haven't been especially close to my grandpa since forever but he used to be a quiet fixture in the Jurong house until he got seriously ill, going in and out of hospitals over the years. If the ideal was to age gracefully, then one might not think he achieved that. His body was covered with sores and ulcers. He couldn't speak in long sentences, he couldn't feed himself, he wasn't able to walk even with his crutch. To be honest I cannot even fathom the pain he went through all these years, suffering in silence because no one understands him. There are the elders who took turns to provide shelter for him but even then, things can weigh one down. It always does. Because caring for the sick is not something anyone of us gravitates towards. There are always better things to do out there, better people to meet. We always rationalise our actions don't we, living like there's always a tomorrow until one day we don't see the people we used to see, we hear their voices no longer and that's when a kind of deep-seated sadness hits. I never did have enough memories of my grandpa for me to regret anything, but I don't know why I'm bawling my eyes out like this. I think it's because death feels so permanent and goodbyes are always hard. I hope that in another universe, in another timeline, he's actually in the pink of health. But for the ninety years on this Earth, you have done well grandpa. Not just for putting up a long fight with your illness, but also for being a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a great-great grandfather for all that comes after you. Rest in peace xx